patience for those who deserve it

I snapped at lynne last night.

it was so uncalled for. Its hard to talk to the people that are upseting me and she always listens, even lends advice. Me being a total spaz crossed the line when all she was trying to do was get information. I apologized right away.  And i truely meant it.

I need to speak to alan and steven so i dont displace my frustrations. It really upsets me because a year ago i never would have ever spoken to anyone like that. A year ago i didnt have all these beautiful women to look up to either. i cant take that for granted.

moneys tight, and the most upseting thing is its not because i was wreckless with it. Alans getting to comfortable. Stevens getting to distant. Im starting not to care. Some times i feel like im standing in front of a thounsand open doors, all alternatives that would make me so happy, but i cant find any way out. It drives me crazy.

Im standing still.

::drifting and floating and fading away::

every aspect of my life seems to fit into that line right now.

In some instances its i can say im happy im realizing it.. I lost myself inside someone else, almost wasting away in my own skin. admiting that has really helped me to grow again,

In the same way it hurts, im realizing that steven and i are doing the same, i hurt more for him and whats to come if that makes sense.

I get it.

My days are longer, everything is harder, the end much further,

and my patience is wearing thin.